I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
