I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
