why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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