Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
