u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
