whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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