No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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