you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
They have beer where we have blood.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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