I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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