May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
