went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
