We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
