i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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