They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
