you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
