he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
