She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
