Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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