I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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