So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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