i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
