I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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