george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
