watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
