Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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