I'm pants shitting drunk right now
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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