i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize