I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
