Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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