i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
