Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
