my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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