OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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