Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
