just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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