I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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