Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
