We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
