You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
