I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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