Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
