Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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