Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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