Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Please don't give away my fajitas
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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