Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
