I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
