what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize