I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize