I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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