i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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