Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
