I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
