so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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