I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
