I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize