Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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