Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
