There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
