dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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