i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
