I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
