I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize