I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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