I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
