He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
