love makes seman taste better
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
