Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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