I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Need sex. Gaining weight.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
