it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
