Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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