so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
