Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
