i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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