So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize