dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
