is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
